The worst way of finding out that you’re unhappy is knowing that you just simply don’t care anymore.
We talk about things we want in life, but for certain people they don’t. They go with the flow, where the fate and God’s work brings them, they’ll be there. But sometimes, you just realised that ‘this is not where i want to be’ but since you’re the type to go with the flow, you stayed.
You tried to make decisions for yourself and when you do, you realised that it is so different from everyone else that you’re scared your parents won’t approve of it.
And that’s what i had realised today, on 16th of january 2017, at 2:15 a.m. i finally found out what i want for my future.
You know in movies, how the heroin had a bad start since she was little. Financial issues, low income family, lots of siblings oh and of course she’s the eldest so usually around the age of 17 she drop out of school because her father is sick and she needs to take responsibility and be the man of the family. (I would totally love to continue with the background story of the heroin, but i’m afraid the point i’m trying to tell is my priority)
Imagine that one day, she had a shitty day at work. She does two part time job, working at a diner at night and a small cafe in the morning. Clocking out from her morning shift at the small cafe, she found out that she won’t get paid for the one week overtime that she did because well let just say she accidentally slipped twenty cups of glasses on the way to the kitchen. Doing the extra overtime which had obviously drained her energy which puts her in a more shitty mood. So she’s basically broke because the overtime pays are the ones usually paying for the rent and groceries and she’s totally tired at a point of fainting. Which she did, in front of a let say a small flower shop around the corner of the streets she usually used to work. (I lied, i’ll continue with her background story so I can delay the important thing i want to say but i’ll fast forward a little bit for you guys)
ATTENTION, THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD PAY ATTENTION. (At last, i know. Thank God)
So of course, this simple flower shop owner, with her cute apron on would be in the movie. And during that time she was doing what she did best which is creating a bouquet of flowers for her customer. She’ll be the one to help the heroin. And i’m that flower lady. I’ll be the owner of the shop. I don’t wanna be the main actress even if i know that she’ll get what she wants, she’ll have a happy ending. I just want that simple character that give a helping hand based on what she could and people don’t even remember her in the movie, except for those who are observant, those that have the same characteristic, same priority in life, same way of thinking as the flower lady, as me.
I don’t wanna push my way of thinking to other people that have different way of thinking. Because I don’t wanna debate over this topic. Your priorities are diff than mine so it’s okay to want different things in life. My parents, they don’t understand what i see. They want the best for their children but what if i said that what i see for my future is totally different than other people.
What if i said that having a family (because having kids has always be my number one goals in life, this may sound weird to you but that’s another diff story to tell) and a small cafe is satisfying enough for me. What if that living a simple happy life is what i want for my future. I usually told my friends that if one day, my husband wants me to be a housewife, i’ll be totally willing too, but an educated one at that (fyi, currently studying international business right now but who cares right, cause i don’t).
I don’t really know if this count as writing or a long ass rant, but you do you boo.
Thanks for reading.
Loves Peccatori. 🍁
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